Things heard in the G house so far in 2011

I decided that, now that we're a month in, to make a (short) list of things said to the pets (as a group) and specifically La Doof Kitton in the first month of the new year.  I think this is evidence that he did not make a resolution to be well behaved.  And we probably sound like mean pet parents. 

• It's all your fault we can't have nice things
• You don't have balls, quit mounting your sister
• Pick on someone your own size (Because he was picking on El Gato--nevermind she out weighs him by *cough cough* pounds)
• Pick on someone your own size does NOT mean pick on Dawg
• Get down from there! ('there' was a shelf, a kitchen counter, a table and a windowsill)
• Your disguise needs work; no matter how still you hold, you can't pass as a pudding cup
• (see above^) ...nor a saucepan.
• Saying 'nobody here but us pots' does not help the disguise
• Someday, your paw is going to get stuck like that. (he was trying to get into a drawer--more on that in another post another day :-P)
• QUIT reaching into the microwave
• You can be made into violin strings (he was trying to wake the baby)
• seriously?  it's a green bean.  People are going to think we don't feed you if you 3 don't stop fighting over a frozen green bean
• If you make the hole in the window shade bigger, I will beat knots on your pointy little skull.  (see above re: not having nice things.  He made the hole bigger so he could climb through and peer out)
• Dude, you will SO deserve it when Dawg eats you one of these days!  
• (^see above.  He was eventually pounced by Dawg) Nu-uh, not gonna yell at her.  You were being good this time, but you deserved it for trying to eat her ear while she was sleeping last night.  And stealing her bed 3 nights last week
• Yes doofus, that tail is still attached to your butt.  But your attempt to remove it is entertaining!
• If you push that book off the shelf one more time, I will throw it at you (please note, he only shoves things off shelves when I can't reach him because I'm holding a baby.  He knows this)
• Cough drops are not cat toys.
• (see above^) Neither are cough drop wrappers!
• (see above^) Neither are pacifiers.  And, ew, now I have to clean that.
• Catus, all soft surfaces in the house are NOT cat beds.  (followed by booting him out of the crib/off Dawg's bed/off my bathrobe/etc) 

I'm sure I'll have more to add eventually, but I thought it was a pretty good start for 1 month :)

Things La Doof Kitton has done so far in 2009

(I didn't include anything involving the Christmas tree...I count that as all 2008)

I told La Doof Kitton he should make a New Year's resolution to better himself.

He glared at me.

I told him that I'd already helped El Gato make one to loose weight (she glared at me for that. I'm fairly certain she plans to murder me in my sleep) and Dawg one to not eat random crap, not to track things in and to not jump up on humans (she didn't glare, she's much to happy in her Dawggie-ness to glare. She just grabbed a leaf she had tracked in and ate it. That might actually be progress--she's cleaning up after herself when she tracks in)

La Doof Kitton glared some more. So I told him I expected him, if he was to get gifts from Sandy Paws next Catsmas, to not be in trouble more than an average of once per day. And that I'd keep track here. I've been tracking since the 2nd (the first is a holiday, it's a 'gimme' :-)
Today is Jan 12th, this is the list of things he's done in the first 12 days of 2009:

1. Stole the cover from Mr. G's razor
2. The toaster incident
3. Stole the cap to the caulk
4. Chewed off the dangly bits on his Christmas present and fed them to Dawg. Twice. (the toy is now staying broken, I refuse to fix it again)
5. Knocked over my sewing machine
6. Pushed a stack of books off the table
7. Attacked my head at an 'inopportune' time for no reason(twice if I count falling on me* [see footnote])
8. Tried to feed my hair clips to the dog (we're up to 4 on this)
9. Fished around in my purse for keys (so I didn't have them at work)
10. Tried to break laws of physics--those that say that 2 objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. (Said space was, of course, on top of my face while I was trying to sleep. I decided not to call it attempted murder though; he was fairly obliging when I shoved him off the bed at 3 am)
11. Stole (and hid, obviously) the kitty toenail clippers (after being difficult about having toenails trimmed)
12. Fished kleenex out of the nightstand (they can't be ON the nightstand because someone steals them) and shredded them. In Dawg's bed in order to frame her
13. Knocked over the hamper (twice)
14. Stole breath-spray out of my purse
15. Knocked off the counter and tried to open the kitteh treats at 2 am (twice)
16. Hid in inaccessible parts of the furnace room (gnawing on rat poison and rolling in spiderwebs for all I know) and made me chase him around in order to remove him from the forbidden room of dangers and return him to the house
17. Climbed up the exercise bike and left gaping claw marks in the 'upholstered seat' (I'll get pics of this eventually)
    
18. Attacked/annoyed his pet sister(s) --this remains steady at 'to many times for me to count

I'm guessing this is way of saying "Go to Hell, Michigan and do something unspeakable to a large cactus" to my resolution.

*Footnote:
the story of falling on me:
I was riding the previously mentioned reclining exercise bike. Since exercising is warm work, I opened the window. La Doof Kitton sat in said window until he got bored and moved from there to the bookcase above my head. He was weaving his way among the books and knickknacks and forgot how to walk...and fell. Directly onto my head.

In this situation, he did what any self-respecting cat would do...he stuck all his claws into my scalp and back.

I did what any self-respecting person would do...I panicked.

Panicking = moving.
Moving = kitteh falling further...
I eventually extricated him from my back and shoulder (he had the moxie to look miffed that I slightly squirshled his tail in the process) and only needed a few band aids. I'm assuming it was an accident but I can't *quite* be sure.