A Dawg story thrown in for good measure.

I know, I know, this is La Doof Kitton's blog. He shouldn't have to share it with the other pets.

But, truly, I found my write up of this Dawg story funny (yes, I'm easily amused. And yes, I laugh at my own jokes. And yes, I wrote it up already, some of you already saw it--sorry) so I figured everyone could deal. So without further ado:

Why I fired Dawg as my protector.

2 tidbits that are relevant:

1-I don't wear shoes in the summer @ home unless I'm going farther than a 10' radius around the yard. Blame my grandma who thought shoes were a torture device and that barefoot was the way to be. (and no, it doesn't hurt. Feet toughen up fast)

2-there are very few things that skeeve me out bug-wise. Exceptions = earwigs and/or things in swarms. (which makes sense--I don't care how much you love butterflies, standing in 3000 of them can give you the heebie-jeebies. Or at least it can me)

So.

Today was trash day. Last night, i was getting the trash out and Dawg was 'helping' (see Dawg's definition of helping under 'hindering'). So she followed me around the house as I gathered trash [except the basement to do cat boxes--she's still afraid of the monster that eats puppies]. Then she went with me outside and we put all the trash in the container.

Then I moved the trash cart and, as we've had a LOT of wet weather recently, I saw a whole google of earwigs scurrying around. I lost it for a moment. I didn't scream but I had a fit of heebie-jeebies right then and there.

Even Dawg, being the *least* intuitive animal in the house (El Gato is the most, oddly enough. She always knows what we're feeling. She might not *CARE* and she sure as shooting won't help, but she makes it clear she knows), knew I was freaked out. And she deduced that the freak out was directed at the garbage cart. So she placed herself between me and the cart and made funny postures in front of it in order to say "quit freaking out Mom". Unfortunately, she did this while standing on my bare feet. And her nails need to be trimmed.

So, with a few bleeding scratches on the top of my feet, I flee out of Dawggie claw range and go put on shoes--I decided I needed protection between my toes and the devilish murder of carnivorous clawed critters.

I'm warily circling the trash container, eyeing it very suspiciously. Dawg seems to get that something is still bothering me. So since I made it clear that chewing on the trash cart wasn't the preferred answer, she looked for what else might bother me. So she scurried directly though the swarm of evil earwigs and....grabbed a stray leaf. She killed that leaf but good, making it very clear to the neighboring leaves that they should not bother mom. (ignoring the earwigs, of course)

I glared at her a wee bit for not noticing the earwigs she was walking in and out of and Dawg's little doggie light bulb went off...leaves were *not* the culprit. So she looked around to see what else might be getting to me...and she looked at the trash cart, at the seething mass of earwigs and then lit on what must be scaring mom...a pine cone.

The pine cone dutifully destroyed, she ran happy laps around the yard, quite certain she had defended mom against the evils of the yard's natural enemies.

I sighed, watched most of the earwigs disperse, grabbed the cart, and fled the rest of the bugs.

Then I came back to the house to have the heebie-jeebies. And I fired Dawg as the defender against earwigs.

Apparently the cats aren't fond of peppermint cremes.

I've been making things in the kitchen.

And Dawg's knee has been going in and out so she decided she couldn't lay underfoot--to risky. So the cats got to help instead.

I was kneading my peppermint creames (the ingredients in the bowl = lots of powdered sugar, egg white, peppermint extract and lemon juice) and a big poof of 'dough' and powdered sugar landed on the floor.

Dawg saw this and hobbled up onto her 3 legs and headed toward the tasty treats. La Doof Kitton and El Gato got there first.

El Gato arrived just in time for another pea-sized blob of dough to pop out of the bowl and konk her on the head. She, in typical El Gato fashion, over reacted, panicked, and fled. I'm not sure where she went because she hasn't come back out yet.

La Doof Kitton sniffed around. He wasn't interested in the sugar, which makes sense because cats can't taste sweet. But he decided that a blob of minty-sugar was worth exploring...and promptly decided that was a *tremendously* bad idea. He spit it out, stuck out his tongue several times, and sneezed repeatedly.

So Dawg DID indeed get to clean up the floor by herself. Which she enjoyed.

I bought La Doof Kitton's forgiveness only because pom-poms were on clearance in the craft asile of local store. Apparently 2 pom-poms is the going rate for laughing at a Kitton for hating mint.

I heard La Doof Kitton hiss at El Gato...

which is a first.

There is a lot of cat growling and hissing in our house. But it all comes from El Gato. El Gato has the bad habit of hissing whenever La Doof Kitton annoys her. This is perfectly reasonable when La Doof Kitton is doing things to annoy her like chewing on Roscoe (her tail) or tackling her or trying to steal her treats. It's less reasonable when he is doing things to annoy her like breathing the same air, being in the same room, or walking away from her.

Regardless, the kitteh growling in our house stems from one source, El Gato. The only time La Doof Kitton has hissed involved things like tails being stepped on.

Until this week.
This week, we have had bug heaven in our house. I'm not quite sure why but moths have been sneaking their way in. Not a big problem (except some earwigs snuck in and *shudder* they give me the heebie jeebies for no good reason) and it does provide pet entertainment.

I was getting out of the shower and watched a fairly large moth land on the blinds. I asked the Mr. if he wanted to help La Doof Kitton catch a moth for me. The Mr. scooped up La Doof Kitton and showed him the moth which promptly flew out of kitton reach toward the lights above the sink. The Mr. and La Doof Kitton played a very very odd game of 'whack-a-moth' that involved the Mr., holding La Doof Kitton, moving La Doof Kitton into moth range, La Doof Kitton swiping at the moth, the moth moving a few inches and the Mr. moving La Doof Kitton.

Eventually, La Doof Kitton caught the moth between his 2 front paws. The Mr. at that point said he wasn't sure if he had done his good deed for the day or his bad deed for the day...maybe they were the same deed? He set La Doof Kitton down and the moth was not released...the moth was set down carefully, batted a few times, then, lifted into La Doof Kitton's mouth. La Doof Kitton jumped down onto the floor and spat out the moth to take a few more swipes.

At that moment, El Gato rounded the corner and was eying La Doof Kitton's moth with interest. Faster than a thought, the moth was buried beneath his paws and he was making spitting/hissing noises I had never heard before. El Gato thought about what to do for a moment--weighing double what La Doof Kitton does, she can beat him in a fight...until, of course, she lets him up. At the point when she has 'won' and tries to walk away, La Doof Kitton is like one of those obnoxious punching-bag-clowns who springs back upright and tries to tackle her. Which is why she never wins fights--there's always another rount to go (when all she wants to do is go back to napping). She decided La Doof Kitton could keep his stupid moth, she didn't want one anyhow and sauntered away.

La Doof Kitton put the moth back into his mouth and disappeared into the basement. I'm not quite sure what moth tortures went on but, La Doof Kitton did NOT come back upstairs for bedtime treats 15 minutes later (a first). I'm fairly sure things involving hoses and lotions and baskets occurred.

Two hours later, La Doof Kitton launched himself into the middle of our bed for his nightly snuggle (late). I said the pouncing was him thanking us for his 'toy'. The Mr. says that, more than likely, La Doof Kitton was testing to see if the fresh kill had given him super moth powers (he also says that La Doof Kitton will forever claim he caught the moth without human help).

No super powers. Yet. Maybe if he eats a few dozen more...

I wonder if he's now intentionally putting the box on the floor?

because it's been there a lot recently...and that's new.

It was there when I got up this morning,instead of on the shelf next to the window (where it normally lives).

I didn't wake up when I heard strange sounds last night...but I am immune to strange sounds at night most of the time anymore. (I have to be--it's a defense mechanism that I need in order to SLEEP in this house)

I was trying to take my pills and get breakfast before getting distracted so I didn't pick it up right away.
La Doof Kitton was quite perturbed that anything was more important than operation box restoration. He walked to the box, sniffed it, and walked over to me, headbutted my leg and walked back to the box and set a paw on it. I ignored him and he repeated this several more times before walking to the box, sitting on it (it was upside down) and yowling. Then he walked up to me again. I put it back and he's been napping there ever since.

Except when he left to cause trouble...like stealing my bookmarks so I wouldn't know where I was in my book (apparently I pay to much attention to the book, not enough to him).





(please note that once he has it out, he no longer wants it :-P)

Toothbrush

The pets in our house have obsessions.

El Gato has an inordinate fondness for (among other things) the taste of leather and and a dislike for things that lead to mom leaving the house (like work); hence the chew marks on my work shoes, briefcases, portfolios, and belts.

Dawg has taken a shine to wood; hence the bark nuggets she steals from the flower bed, the chew marks on various sticks around the house, her eating of my wood jewelry and her uncanny knack for sneaking into the garage when we're working on a carpentry project to steal scraps and hide them in the back yard (and yes, there are lots of bits of lumber in my back yard).

La Doof Kitton has several things he is fond of but he likes rubber coating. He tried to steal my new scissors with their 'comfort padded' handles. I have to keep my razor out of reach because he has, on more than one occasion, made off with it and attempted to chew off the rubbery grippy things.

I recently needed a new toothbrush and brought one with rubbery coating on part of the handle. This has made brushing my teeth interesting, as he is obsessed with my toothbrush.

So earlier this week, when he was attempting to steal my toothbrush out of my mouth, I decided I needed to document the crazy. I sat down in the office and tried to operate the camera with one hand and brush my teeth with the other...The result isn't a masterpiece of photography but it proves I'm not making this stuff up.
(please ignore the mess on my desk. Yes, he is sitting on paperwork, dilbert comics, and my calligraphy)
(and please apply the caption 'nom nom nom nom nom' to all the pictures ;-)

He may have lost another life today...

We've had interesting weather today. We've gone from sunny to stormy back to sunshine again all day. While I was riding out the storm at work, Mr. G called to update me on the status of the pets.

None of the pats are especially fond of thunder--the cats dislike loud noises in general and Dawg is concerned that burglars may sneak in and not be heard over the sound of the rumbling so she scares them off before they even get a chance to get close by barking at the thunder.

The grumblings and rumblings of thunder had successfully disturbed everyone in the household but seemed to be passing on by. So Dawg curled up on her rug, El Gato curled up on the bed, and La Doof Kitton climbed into his shoebox--the one that is right next to the (open) window in the office.

After a lull long enough for all of the pets to be in nice comfortable dozes, there was a tremendous *crack* of thunder--the kind that sends you skittering to windows to make sure you are in one piece and that the trees are still standing upright. Mr. G heard this crack then a soft thump and was standing up to see if anything had been hit when he heard an odd noise. His first thought was that it was the staticky sound of something electrical shorting. Then he thought it was odd hail on the outside of the house--just on the wall. Then he looked down...

The thunder had startled La Doof Kitton into attempting some previously unattempted acrobatics without a net. The thump that followed the thunder was his box launching itself off the shelf, onto the middle of the floor. The staticky sound was the noise of all four paws desperately trying to gain purchase on the side of a smooth, vertical desk. Apparently, that moment one sees in cartoons? The one right as the character looks down and realises there is merely air below him instead of the ledge and his legs work at running up the sheer cliff face and just succeed in having everything hang there in slow motion? Yes that scene is apparently possible in real life.

Of course, the image of La Doof Kitton doing this, with his bottle brush tail and his wide eyes, resulted in much laughing at his expense. He hasn't forgiven the laughter yet.

Nor has he gotten back into his box, even though we put it back on it's shelf.

The cat is out of the bag

or in the bag, as the case may be.

Around 3 this morning, I awoke to a *tremendous* crash. It was, unfortunately, my turn to investigate the cause of crashes--Mr. G having investigated the one that came about 6 yesterday morning and was the result of La Doof Kitton climbing a bookshelf.

My guard Dawg lifted her head at the crash, pondered getting up to come defend me, dragged herself up, sniffed the air, declared that it was to early for this and she was sure there were no burglars and crawled back onto her bed.

I, on the other hand, wanted to make sure that the crash wasn't the refrigerator falling over, the oven exploding, a pipe bursting, or cats dancing the tango on the remains of my plants. I groggily wandered through the office, the library, the bathroom and the living room--no signs of anything amiss.
I flipped on the light in the kitchen and found La Doof Kitton working hard to look innocent while trying to convince the hair on his back and tail to quit standing up. There were 2 kitchen chairs lying on their backs. I had left my re-usable grocery bag hanging from the back of one of those chairs when I went to bed. That bag was now a full 5 feet from where it had been left.

Apparently, attempting to jump into the bag while it dangles from a chair causes a chain reaction of chaos.
I blinked twice, decided nothing was truly broken, and went back to bed. The chairs waited until morning to stand back up and the bag somehow moved from the floor in front of the oven to the hallway near the living room before I got out of bed. Apparently he wasn't permanently scared off or scarred by his brush with gravity.

So the cat is back in the bag. At this particular moment, he is hiding in the bottom of the bag (like I said, now in the living room) waiting for either Dawg or El Gato to wander past so he can pop out and scare the living daylights out of them. I know this because he already scared me twice today. Never a dull moment :-)