Things La Doof Kitton has done so far in 2009

(I didn't include anything involving the Christmas tree...I count that as all 2008)

I told La Doof Kitton he should make a New Year's resolution to better himself.

He glared at me.

I told him that I'd already helped El Gato make one to loose weight (she glared at me for that. I'm fairly certain she plans to murder me in my sleep) and Dawg one to not eat random crap, not to track things in and to not jump up on humans (she didn't glare, she's much to happy in her Dawggie-ness to glare. She just grabbed a leaf she had tracked in and ate it. That might actually be progress--she's cleaning up after herself when she tracks in)

La Doof Kitton glared some more. So I told him I expected him, if he was to get gifts from Sandy Paws next Catsmas, to not be in trouble more than an average of once per day. And that I'd keep track here. I've been tracking since the 2nd (the first is a holiday, it's a 'gimme' :-)
Today is Jan 12th, this is the list of things he's done in the first 12 days of 2009:

1. Stole the cover from Mr. G's razor
2. The toaster incident
3. Stole the cap to the caulk
4. Chewed off the dangly bits on his Christmas present and fed them to Dawg. Twice. (the toy is now staying broken, I refuse to fix it again)
5. Knocked over my sewing machine
6. Pushed a stack of books off the table
7. Attacked my head at an 'inopportune' time for no reason(twice if I count falling on me* [see footnote])
8. Tried to feed my hair clips to the dog (we're up to 4 on this)
9. Fished around in my purse for keys (so I didn't have them at work)
10. Tried to break laws of physics--those that say that 2 objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. (Said space was, of course, on top of my face while I was trying to sleep. I decided not to call it attempted murder though; he was fairly obliging when I shoved him off the bed at 3 am)
11. Stole (and hid, obviously) the kitty toenail clippers (after being difficult about having toenails trimmed)
12. Fished kleenex out of the nightstand (they can't be ON the nightstand because someone steals them) and shredded them. In Dawg's bed in order to frame her
13. Knocked over the hamper (twice)
14. Stole breath-spray out of my purse
15. Knocked off the counter and tried to open the kitteh treats at 2 am (twice)
16. Hid in inaccessible parts of the furnace room (gnawing on rat poison and rolling in spiderwebs for all I know) and made me chase him around in order to remove him from the forbidden room of dangers and return him to the house
17. Climbed up the exercise bike and left gaping claw marks in the 'upholstered seat' (I'll get pics of this eventually)
    
18. Attacked/annoyed his pet sister(s) --this remains steady at 'to many times for me to count

I'm guessing this is way of saying "Go to Hell, Michigan and do something unspeakable to a large cactus" to my resolution.

*Footnote:
the story of falling on me:
I was riding the previously mentioned reclining exercise bike. Since exercising is warm work, I opened the window. La Doof Kitton sat in said window until he got bored and moved from there to the bookcase above my head. He was weaving his way among the books and knickknacks and forgot how to walk...and fell. Directly onto my head.

In this situation, he did what any self-respecting cat would do...he stuck all his claws into my scalp and back.

I did what any self-respecting person would do...I panicked.

Panicking = moving.
Moving = kitteh falling further...
I eventually extricated him from my back and shoulder (he had the moxie to look miffed that I slightly squirshled his tail in the process) and only needed a few band aids. I'm assuming it was an accident but I can't *quite* be sure.