I sometimes wonder how much the cats swear at each other.

This morning the cats were swearing a lot.

I was in the laundry room, shooing cats off of clean clothes and trying to head out the door. The Mr. translated the conversation the cats had from "hiss, grumble, growl" into something resembling English...

La Doof Kitton: You're fat and mom loves me more
El Gato: *obscenity removed, obscenity removed* you, you *obscenity removed-ing, obscenity removed, obscenity removed-er*
La Doof Kitton: PBBBBBBBbbbbbth
El Gato: *obscenity removed* off and die.
La Doof Kitton: yeah, well...you're fat.
El Gato: Die a slow death. In a fire. Surrounded by dogs.
La Doof Kitton: You'll still be fat.
El Gato: And you'll be dead. And I will eat your food. And possibly your body.

At this point, La Doof Kitton retreated. Sometimes, it's wise to know when you can't win--especially when your opponent is double your weight and irritable before breakfast.